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Archive for the ‘Races’ Category

Well, I did it… I finished the 2010 Pikes Peak Ascent (PPA), the final leg of the Triple Crown of Running.  My facebook status on Saturday after the race read:

I had some good moments, I threw up, I cried… I finished.

And really, that about sums it up.   My PPA race report in a nutshell.

the weather

Saturday was sunny and warm with no surprises!   I had heard the stories, particularly of the 2008 race, enough times to be anxious about what might happen on the mountain but as far as the weather went, this weekend, I lucked out.   I know some runners would have preferred cooler weather, not so much heat  - but I was happy . I didn’t carry much with me – a pair of gloves pinned to my fuel belt that I never used and some sleeves that I used off and on above tree line.    So after a week of compulsive weather.com visits, I breathed a sigh of relief heading out to Manitou in the morning.

pre –race

Nerves… I was full of nerves glancing out the window at Pikes Peak during the ride to the start.  My brother –in-law dropped me, Mark and Joe off near the start at Memorial Park just as wave 1 runners were getting ready to begin their journey up the Peak.   So with a half hour to go before our wave 2 start and the quickest gear check that I have ever experienced, I spent my time pee and re-peeing.  Yes, I went, got back in line, went again until it was only 6 minutes to start.  nerves.

start

Like most races, after the gun went off and I began my run, the nerves started to disappear.  I felt pretty strong running to Ruxton and up the hill… things were looking good and I was upbeat as I finished the paved portion of the race and entered the trail.

I felt great for the next 2 hours and 20 minutes… really great!  I shuffled my way up the Ws feeling strong, picking up my pace on the ‘flatter’ sections and made it to Barr Camp about 5 minutes ahead of schedule. I had written down some splits on my arm for a 4:45 Ascent – it was a reach but I thought do-able.  I was feeling particularly good about my goal with the 5 minutes to bank for the 2^nd half of the race!

Barr Camp to A-Frame

I started this section feeling strong and optimistic.   Unfortunately, this elation lasted for only about 30 more minutes before some major nausea set in.  I was fueling with tried and tested Gu gels but something wasn’t settling well with me.    I eventually gave in and tossed my cookies  (well, my gels) about a mile after Barr Camp.  The nausea came and went after this point but I only lost it like that once.   I started to slow down – I slowly made my way through the remaining 1.6 miles to A-Frame and realized I had lost my 5 minute gain plus another 5 minutes – and I wasn’t feeling so strong or optimistic anymore.  I kept my water bottles filled – one Gatorade, one water and kept hydrated but I wasn’t able to eat any significant calories after this point.

A-Frame to Summit

What can I say?  I was starting to hurt – my legs were heavy, my back was killing me and I was feeling beat down.  As I trudged my way toward the summit, I could hear the announcer at the top, cheering in the finishers.  I still had over an hour to go – the first threat of tears started.  I sucked it up, willed myself to hold it together.  Every time I stumbled (which happened quite a few times), the tears would start again – but I finally pulled it together at the Cirque (1.5 mile to go) aid station.  I am very glad that I had completed a full Ascent during training because there were too many times during these last three miles where I questioned whether or not I could finish the race.  As much as I was hurting, I kept moving… slowly.  Many other runners had pulled off onto rocks – sitting down.   I managed to eat a few grapes at Cirque and focused on conquering the next mile and half – counting off each tenth of a mile on my Garmin.   Finally I saw the 16 Golden Stairs sign – and I felt I was going to make it.   With the finish in sight – I heard my friends Julie and Kathleen cheering me on.   Fellow springs runner, Jim took my picture, capturing a surprisingly upbeat snap of me.

closing in on the finish

with the end in sight

Finish

I crossed the finish line, got my medal and then I saw my husband and I let it go – flood gates opened for a moment and I just cried.   I dried my eyes and turned to Julie and the first thing I said was “I am never doing that again.”     5:14:59 – I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed with my time.  Maybe my 4:45 goal was a bit of a reach, but I honestly thought I had a good shot for under 5 hours.   The second half of the race just didn’t go my way this year.   It’s ok  – I am ok about it now…the Ascent is the hardest thing that I have ever done and I simply didn’t have any more to give on Saturday.

A big congratulations to both Joe and Mark who finished in 4:11:18 and 4:12:36 respectively – both of them qualifying for wave 1 next year if they choose to run again!

just barely holding it together

tears

my wonderful friends Julie and Kathleen at the top

Mark and me @ the top

Next year?

I guess I am ready to start thinking about next year despite my initial post race denials.  I don’t know if I will do it but I can at least think about it now.   Even more than the pain experience, I need to think about whether I want to spend another summer training for such a unique race.   Ascent training can be logistically difficult because it is ideal to train on the mountain – but you gotta get there, get up the mountain and figure out how to get down … not as easy as running out the front door of your house for a long run.  Anyway, we’ll see.  For now I am satisfied.  I did it.  Every once in a while I look out my window at the mountain in awe and wonder… humbled.  I don’t think I will look at Pikes Peak in quite the same way ever again.

The Barr Trail Mountain Race is not a qualifier for the Pikes Peak Ascent, it’s not part of the Triple Crown of Running series.  In fact, when I signed up for the race, it was as a training race for the TCR/Ascent – a good way to run a portion of the trail with a crowd of runners and get a feel for how things might be like on Ascent day.   So as this weekend approached, why was I so incredibly nervous about this race?

After running a status quo Seattle RNR, I came back from vacation determined to jump back into TCR training.   On Thursday after our Tuesday return from sea level, Mark and I joined our running peeps on a training run for the Summer Roundup Trail Run 12K.  It wasn’t my best day on this course – I felt the heat and was fatigued… just not as strong as I’d felt before our vacation.

Nevertheless, we kept going… tackling our first Barr Trail training run on Saturday, July 3^rd – Mark’s 45^th birthday.   It was after this run that I began to doubt myself and consider the possibility of a DNF (did not finish) in the BTMR.   The 10 mile round trip (we didn’t make it all the way to Barr Camp that day) took me 2 hours and 45 minutes.  I was still feeling the fatigue (Mark felt it too) and in hindsight, I think that we were still acclimating back to running at altitude after spending almost two weeks in Seattle.  It was particularly discouraging to me when I hit some of the flatter portions of Barr Trail and couldn’t seem to keep a running pace.

map of the BTMR, 3630' elevation gain to Barr Camp turnaround

BTMR has a cut off of 3:30 hours.  I’ve already mentioned that the race is not part of the TCR or included as a qualifier for the Ascent but honestly, it would be a mental set back in my Ascent training to not officially finish this race.  Plus I wanted my race shirt and medal!

Feeling confident about the Summer Roundup 12K, I opted to skip the training run for that race the following week… opting instead to try the full 12.6  mile BTMR course.   It was a better day – I made it to Barr Camp in about 2 hours and ran back down in a little over an hour.   Unfortunately, my Garmin wasn’t charged that morning, so my time is an estimate but it was a little over 3 hours for that training run – which was a bit comforting.

Pikes Peak from Barr Trail.

Still, I was a bundle of nerves race morning.  We got to the start about 30 minutes early and I used the time to hit the port-o-potty… three times .    Once the race started, the nerves began to ease up.  I followed the same pattern as I did during my last training run – a walk/jog combo for the first few, steeper miles until I was able to level off into a good jog up most of the flatter parts of the trail.  I was so happy to find my legs did not feel heavy.

post race happiness

When I reached Barr Camp, a race official told me I was at 1:58 – giving me over an hour and a half to make it back down.  I knew I was safe.   I took a minute here to take a gel and also to fix my shoe – the top of my right foot was killing me.  I loosened my laces which seemed to help a little bit and started my run back down.   Besides the foot pain, the run down felt great.   Julie was at the corner of Ruxton and Hydro – just before the turn off to run the uphill finish… it was a wonderful surprise and her support gave me just the push I needed to finish strong.

hardest earned shirt and medal

next up: Pikes Peak Ascent, final leg of the TCR, August 21, 2010

Leg two of the TCR – check!

Mark, Rhonda and I ran the Summer Roundup Trail Run 12K yesterday.   As mentioned, this 12K is the second leg of the Triple Crown of Running with an out-and-back course that gains 1000 feet of elevation in the first 3.7 miles before runners turn around and enjoy the downhill return to the finish. 

My race time (1:22:21) was pretty similar to my times during our training runs and I am satisfied with that… it’s a tough run.

me

me, Mark and Rhonda post race. smile on my face

next up: Barr Trail Mountain Race, July 18, 2010…as a training run ahead of the final leg of the TCR, the Ascent.

The first leg of the Triple Crown of Running is successfully under my belt: Garden of the Gods 10 Mile Run, completed, June 13, 2010 with a big sigh of relief!

Sunday’s run turned out pretty close to perfect.  My last few races have been out of town and I’d forgotten how great it is to sleep in your own bed pre-race night.  Despite the early wake up call (alarm set for 4:45 a.m.), I felt well-rested.   We gave ourselves plenty of time to make it to the start in Manitou and were fortunate to have Kathleen’s hubby as a designated driver to drop us off, helping us avoid any parking stress.  We even had time for multiple potty breaks.  Pretty stress free morning – lovely change from the recent BolderBoulder.

Start time was at 7:00 a.m. with nearly perfect running conditions – a cool 45 degrees, on and off drizzle.  Of course pre-run, I was cold and I struggled with the decision of whether or not to wear a jacket at the start.  I finally talked myself out of it, following the advice of my fellow runner, Rhonda and left the jacket in the car.  I did not regret that decision at all – it took less than ½ a mile to warm up.

The Garden race is not chip timed, so when the gun went off, we were off!  The start was packed with runners, so it took some time to get to the start and jog through the crowd.  I tabled my frustration because this is a very tough run for me and I definitely didn’t want to stress crowd navigation and wear myself out.   I think that the slow start actually helped me pace myself – I felt pretty good throughout the whole run and was able to finish strong.   Of the many training runs that I’ve completed in the Garden of the Gods – all between 5 to 10 miles, I have rarely been able to keep a pace under 10 mm.  The total elevation gain for the 10 mile route is 1,010 feet.  Based on that, I was hoping for a 1:40 time for this race or as I told Mark, I would be thrilled with a 1:39:59.      My finish time ended up 1:37:02 per my Garmin and 1:37:36 official time.  I was pretty impressed with how close the times are considering we weren’t chip timed.   The Beans finished within minutes of each other – we all had a great morning.  I was so proud and happy for everyone.   

Mandy, Rhonda, me, Kathleen, Mark and Julie

Almost 1800 runners completed this race and there are so many amazing stories – from Kenyan Simon Cheprot’s second consecutive win with a mind-boggling time of 50:47 to a young boy, 13 years old, having never run more than 5 miles until this race, finishing in an astonishing 1:06.47. 

me

For me the story of the day was Mark’s – he ran so strong, finishing with a 1:27:19 time – fast enough to qualify for Wave 1 of the Ascent had he used this race as a qualifier.    

On Monday, I ran my annual third BolderBoulder.   I love Boulder, CO and this race is the most fun, if not chaotic, run of the year.   The weekend began with a 10-mile Garden of the Gods training run on Saturday morning with my running peeps who also ran the BB on Monday.  The Garden of the Gods 10 Mile Run is coming up in less than two weeks and overall TCR training is the priority for me this summer so I stayed on schedule with this run despite having the upcoming BB race.  That said – I took the Saturday run very easy.

Sunday was a rest, recovery day.  The BolderBoulder is a family affair for the Mods, we always go up together.  This year my son, Andrew, participated in his first 10K run and my other two children cheered us on with some friends from the stands.  My sister, Rupal and her husband, Jamie also ran the BB and we stayed with them in Denver with plans of a short drive into Boulder for the race. 

The Mods drove up to Denver on Sunday afternoon and hit Whole Foods for lunch and pre-race fuel shopping.    Dinner was take-out from Rebellion Pizza.  I indulged in a few slices of the most outstanding vegan veggie pizza.  

The next morning, the seven of us woke up pre-dawn and began our race day journey. Fueled with my chia/hemp shake and a few sips of Gatorade on the way up to Boulder, I felt race ready.   Unfortunately, I was ready a little too early.   Mark, Jamie and I were scheduled for wave times beginning around 7:15 a.m.   Rupal and Andrew were scheduled a bit later but we all headed out to the start together.  We parked at the stadium and hopped on the bus to take us to the start area.  We anticipated about a 15-20 minute ride to the start.  The ride ended up taking almost an hour.   The start was chaotic, lines for port-o-potties and gear check were long and we ended up starting in waves much later than scheduled.   I was frustrated by the madness of the morning and late start time – the last couple of years seemed to go more smoothly.  Several of my running crew took the RTD ride and run from Broomfield to Boulder and also experienced some delays.  I think in the end it is just too big of a race with 50,000+ runners to go off without any hitch.

Andrew on the right, having fun

I felt great for the run itself.  Having started a little late, there was some crowd dodging – but the since the BB does draw so many runners, I think that is part of the deal regardless.  Aid stations presented another bottleneck – they were positioned on both sides of the course so people were stopped on both sides, leaving only a narrow lane in the middle for those of us who wanted to run through.   The BB’s festive atmosphere is catching- the stress of the morning disappearing as I ran with a crowd past the belly-dancers, music, slip-and-slides and flying marshmallows.    I knew pretty early after hitting a few thicker pockets of runners, that I wouldn’t be hitting a 10K PR. 

run Andrew!

 I still pushed my pace as best as I could and ended up with a PR for the BB course with a 54:08.   Last year’s Classic 10K in Colorado Springs remains my PR (51:30).

me, game face, trying to get a kick at the end LOL

Post race, I quickly found Mark and Jamie.  We grabbed our goodies – lunch bag, free beer and headed into the stadium where we were planning to meet our running group (team Beanie Weenies :-) ).  The crowd was thick though and it was taking a while to find the Beans – so Mark went outside to wait for Andrew while I searched for my friends.  I finally found them and was so pleased that two of them had hit PRs!  And Julie had just completed her 10^th consecutive BB!

The girls went to shop the expo and I began a search for everyone in the family.  It just seemed as soon as we found one person, we lost another.  Cell phone texts were delayed and we couldn’t hear a thing when we tried to call each other.  Long story short, we did finally find the kids, my sis, her hubby and we spent a great afternoon at the post-race the Expo.   

Mark running a great BB 50:59

The weekend ended with a nice late lunch, early dinner at my favorite restaurant, The Watercourse in Denver.   We packed up our stuff and headed back home for laundry and prep for the last two days of school.  

Next up: The Garden of the Gods 10 Mile Run, June 13, 2010.

I didn’t take any pictures pre race – argh! And unfortunately, in all the mayhem, I failed to get any pictures of us after. Here’s one of the Beans post race.

Julie, me, Kathleen and Rhonda

The Colfax Half Marathon is behind us and this weekend we began our focus on Triple Crown/Ascent training with a rather challenging run this morning.   The 10.5 mile mountain run was as mentally challenging for me as it was physically.  We met some runners that my friend, Julie knows through a local running group around 7:00 a.m. at Soda Springs.

click on the pic for the full map. we ran Soda Springs Park up Ute Pass Trail, Longs Ranch Road and finally down Barr Trail back to Soda Springs

We started up Ruxton Avenue which connected to the trail adjacent to the Incline.  Almost immediately after the first little climb on the trail, I could feel the back of my legs, from the Achilles up through my calves tightening up.  This cramp/pain stayed with me for the rest of the run…guess that is my clue to work on strengthening some of my lesser used muscles.  The next 2-3 miles were a steady run/walk combo (esp. the steeper areas).  Then the real climb began and I slowed down quite a bit.  Julie, fellow running peep Sam and a runner I met today, Regina were running strong.  I was slower and I made my husband slow his pace to stay in sight because I was scared of creatures particularly in the area called Rattlesnake Gulch.  After the longest 6 miles of my life, we finally hit a peak at 9187 ft elevation.  I am not going to lie, the last couple of steep stretches of trail almost had me in tears and I was so happy when we headed back down Barr Trail.  Soon we were on familiar territory as the latter part of the trail is our regular way down after the Incline.

Mark, me, Julie and Sam

Mark on the mountain

The weather was overall very nice, it got a bit hot and I ran out of water/Gatorade by the time we reached our peak.  I am glad we started relatively early in the morning when it wasn’t as warm. The 2 – 6 oz bottles that I have on my fuel belt work great for cooler weather and shorter runs, but I think I need to carry more in the future.  On the way down, I was taking hits off of my husband’s Camel Back.  It was also crazy windy today – a couple of gusts were powerful enough to cause me to loose my footing.

Ok – today was really tough but I am keeping a positive attitude.  It is intimidating to think about the 13.34 journey up Pikes Peak especially after today’s run.  I was hurting, but then again, I hung in there.  This was my first real challenging mountain run on the TCR training journey and I survived, I will get stronger… right??

Run done, we made a quick stop at 7-11 for some hydration and a lotto ticket (will let you know ) and then headed over to Colorado Running Company pick up our race packets for tomorrow’s Reach Your Peak 4 Mile Run/Walk.  I am happy to support the Junior League and plan to take tomorrow as an easy recovery run.

Yesterday’s Colfax Half Marathon was my first race of 2010.  It was a relatively last minute decision – my running peeps were all running it and I wanted to play, so I signed up Mark and myself last week.

We drove up to Denver on Saturday and hit the expo to pick up our packets (quite small compared to the Rock n’ Roll expos), and headed over to meet everyone at Tokyo Joes for dinner.   Love the Boulder Veggie bowl and I wish we had a local restaurant here in the Springs!

Weather conditions were perfect – after a week of rain and snow (yes snow), we woke up to relatively warm temps, and sunny, blue skies.  We arrived to the start, hit the port -o-potties and got in line to start the race… we were pretty much at the end of the line so navigating slower runners/walkers after the start took quite some time.   I think it wasn’t until after mile 2 that it cleared up and I could focus on just running.

Once we got through the crowd, I ran in my typical style – the exact opposite of the elusive negative split – keeping a pace between 8:00-8:30 for the next several miles in an effort to keep up with my hubby until I could no longer see him in the crowd.   I stopped at one aid station sometime before the turnaround (mile 7) and grabbed a Gatorade which was way too concentrated.  I gulped down the entire cup and felt a bit queasy for the next two miles.  It was around this time that I was starting to slow down as well…once the nausea passed around mile 9, I was wishing I had a gel or something – my energy was pretty low and I was giving myself the pep talk: “it’s only 4 more miles,”, “just 36 minutes, a half hour” – that sort of thing.  I had to keep talking to myself because I really felt like stopping at this point.     I grabbed a water from a generous spectator who was handing out little bottles and paced myself with a runner who was running just under a 9 minute mile.  I lost him a couple of miles later as he gained speed and I continued to chug along.    My last three miles were slow,  mile 11 in particular, but I managed to rally after 12 –  I finished strong for a final time of 1:55:51… not a PR race but felt like I ran one – it was tough…and I am feeling a bit creaky today.

It was hard but I am glad I jumped in and started my races for the year.  Next up:  Bolder Boulder on Memorial Day!

results

race picture

I am not always good at trying new things.  I often fall into a routine (or rut some might say) and stick to it.  Until today I have completed all my speed /interval workouts on the treadmill.   In fact, it’s the one workout where I find the treadmill to be quite handy.  My regular MO includes quarter-mile intervals at 5K or better speed, quarter-mile jog in between – 6-10 X 400 depending on the week.  Sometime last summer, I realized I needed to add interval training to my training, I did some googling, found this speed routine in a half marathon training plan and added it to my regular schedule.  And with that, the speed work box was checked off my training list.  I do mix it up sometimes – run .50 mi intervals or employ the fartlek approach during an easy run. 

Today I joined my running peeps for a track work out.  I am not gonna lie – I went into this venture feeling pretty intimidated.  I am not particularly fast.  In fact, often my 5K pace is not that much faster than my half marathon pace…(I guess my check-box speed work outs aren’t really the most effective ones).

today’s workout:

1 mile warm up run to the track

1 mile at 5K pace

1 lap jog

2 x800 m with a 1 lap jog in between

3 x 400 m with a half lap jog in between

1.5 mile cool down

total: 6.58 @ 58:52 total time

I assumed a few things:  running on a track would be tedious and consequently, I would be slower.  Running on a treadmill is easier so my pace would be slower.  This morning, I was pleasantly surprised.  I didn’t effectively track laps on my Garmin, so my times aren’t exact but I completed the mile at about an 8 minute pace and kept the subsequent intervals at least as fast as my treadmill pace (8.0 -8.5 or a 7-7:30 minute mile pace).  Running the track was way less tedious than the treadmill.  And I was fortunate to have the company some great ladies – fast runners that kept me motivated to keep up the pace.   I am looking forward to hitting the track again – working outside of the [check] box is good for me.  I’ve also been running more hills (at least not avoiding them) and I recently broke in a pair of new trail shoes… all part of this summer’s Triple Crown/Ascent journey…

I turned 40 two weeks ago.   The big 4-0. Of course, I told everyone and myself for that matter, that 40 is no big deal, just a number, I feel and look pretty good… for 40.    It’s that “for 40” caveat that was getting to me.   But I know a lot of fantastic and amazing women in their 40s.  I look to them and hear that this is best decade yet, that these are the best years.  In that spirit, I decided what better way to affirm that I am a fit, fabulous and youthful 40 than taking on the biggest running challenge of my life?

Two days after the big birthday, I signed up for the Pikes Peak Ascent. .. or more specifically, the Triple Crown of Running.   After all my reluctance to run another full marathon, I can’t believe I’ve decided to take on this monster challenge instead.    The Triple Crown consists of a series of three races: the Garden of the Gods 10 Mile Run on June 13, 2010, the Summer Roundup Trail Run 12K on July 11, 2010 and ends with the Pikes Peak Ascent the weekend of August 21-22.    These races are all tough with significant elevation gains (needless to say the Ascent is biggest elevation gain ) So the girl who loves to avoid hills and prefers to run at sea level, is gonna run up Pikes Peak…The hills which I’ve abhorred so much will now become my friends (or more likely frenemies).

We are also traveling to Seattle again this year for a family vacation and the Seattle Rock n’ Roll Half Marathon on June 26, 2010.  It was a great race last year and I am looking forward to running this beautiful course again.   It’s likely I will also run the Boulder Bolder on Memorial Day which is always such a good time.

We’ll see what the fall and winter bring.  I think that training for and completing the Triple Crown will be one of the hardest things I’ve done to date.  I know that training is going to be grueling. I know that I will shed some tears and that there will be a great sense of accomplishment if I can pull this off.  I’m both nervous and excited – here’s to the best year(s) yet!

love my new shirt: no meat athlete, powered by plants.. get yours: http://www.nomeatathlete.com/

While I am kind of just running right now with no near term race goal, my running strategy loosely follows a typical training plan for a half marathon – about 4 days of running including a long weekend run of 8-12 miles, an interval run and a couple of tempo/easy runs.  I don’t have a race scheduled but I am sure I will find something that I want to run soon – at least I will be ready for anything up to a half marathon distance, right?  I am relatively injury – free (knock on wood) with the exception of some pain in my hip – particularly on downhills.  I’ve logged about 30 miles on my new pink kicks that I got just last week

The Seattle Rock n’ Roll Marathon is on June 26, 2010 and I’ve been debating the full vs. the half.  I ran the half marathon last year. This debate is a blog post in and of itself…

 (concerns: several out and backs and hills in the 2^nd half)

 On the food front, veganism gets easier and easier especially with articles like these popping up in the news regularly: 

• Meat Safety: How Well Done?  Chicago Tribune , January 21, 2010
• California Firm Recalls Beef Products Due to Possible E. coli O157:H7 Contamination, USDA website, January 18, 2010
• Safety of Beef Processing Method Is Questioned, New York  Times, December 29, 2009

I do have to remind myself that there is a fine line between being a vegan and an activist.  I think many veg/vegans want to share what they learn about the meat industry, the factory farming abuses, the health issues, the humanity issues etc.. etc… easily becoming an activist or vegevangelist as I’ve come to identify myself on occasion.    But many people simple don’t want to know: “don’t tell me,  “I don’t want to know…”   And on some level, I guess I can relate to the sentiment.  After all, didn’t I run around as a cheese loving vegetarian for the last 20 years – living happily in the dark about the realities of the quality and health risks of milk/dairy and horrific abuses of dairy cows and their little babies? 

 It’s hard, however, to “not know” these days.  The media reports, bloggers like Erik Marcus with his popular and informative blog: http://www.vegan.com/,  best selling books like Jonathan Safran Foer’s  “Eating Animals” all report the realities of the meat, dairy and egg industries and all through mainstream media outlets.   These are the pros, the people I will quote or point to their links for all things vegan…. and that will be the extent of my vege- evangelism.  Unless of course, you do want to know – then I would love to share thoughts, ideas, concerns and recipes!

To be honest, evangelism in general has never been a favorite thing of mine and despite my passionate views on animal factory farming methods, if you dont’ want to know, then you don’t want to know and it makes me uncomfortable to be the one that others might point at and whisper “why that sanctimonious vegan __________!”